The darkness grew in my mind, as
I watched the fragile light recede, in
my distress I saw it swallowing,
me whole.
—–
The grief I felt washed through, as
I remembered the good things, and
there, in a moment, overwhelmed
I wept.
—–
You were there and yet I could
not reach you. I felt abandoned,
and there was no comfort in the
time past.
—–
People ebbed and flowed around, I tried
to hold onto words, a touch, and
the weary faces of compassion
and love.
—–
Someone left a card. Words blurred, as
I tried to read and the loneliness, broke
on me and I sat in the darkness, with
no hope.
—–
It wasn’t a word, or card or prayers
but a friend who kept coming, they
sat, stayed with me, listening, if
I talked.
—-
It was not what they said or did, but
that silent witness that I was worth
their time, patience, their kindness
and love.
—–
We walked in the park, or by the sea,
slowly I saw that I was valued, not
while I was an asset but while I was
a drag.
—–
They stayed through the anger, the
frost and the rain, the dark clouds,
the storms, anxiety, even
my hate.
—–
I asked them why, they waited for me
to ask and spoke of a God, who stays
with us when we are foul, and also
when good.
—
I tried it for myself, I stormed at God,
I screamed at that face on a cross.
They’re forgiven? My punishment
lives on.
—–
I cried, I wept, I swore and I cursed,
I yelled ’til I was sore and worn out
and still God was there, never went,
nor left.
——
How could a God above everything,
consider me to be worthy, like that?
And love me when I loathed them
so much?
—–
I sat in the dark and a faint light, as
small as pin was there, a little point
of hope and over the years God and
the friend –
—–
They never gave up, never closed a
door. I scoured my home, lit every
lamp. Then I sat and asked for help
to forgive.
—
It came so slowly that I hardly dared
to hope. It came so hard that it was
like being in a prison and try bending
the bars.
—
Time passed and the bent iron bars,
breaking, the dim light grew around, so
I tentatively tried out living again,
with God.
—
I took toddling steps, grew stronger,
valued myself, and still the blackness
threatens but now I know that I’m not
alone.
—
I learned that I cannot know everything,
that I am not at fault and able to now
stand with others, through their all, and be
their friend.
